Du Fu Does Not Like Conscription (6/6)

The last of the series returns to the image of the old man

To Leave In Old Age
Du Fu

Fighting’s flared up on every side—
There’ll be no rest in my old age. 
My sons and grandchildren are dead,
So why should I alone live on?
I’ll drop my cane and join the march,
Though comrades wince in sympathy,
At least I still have all my teeth,
It’s just a shame my bones are stiff.
The men are issued helmets, suits,
We give our squire the war salute,
But in the road, my wife lies crying,
In just her shirt, at year’s end.
I’m sorry, leaving her so cold, 
Knowing this is our last goodbye,
As she reminds me I must eat,
Although I won’t be coming back.
The walls at Tumen are still strong,
And Xingyuan is hard to ford…
The tide has turned since Ye—I might 
Survive a while before I die.
Life brings us close, tears us apart;
With no remission in old age.
It pulls me up a little short,
Remembering my younger days.
Now the world’s at war again,
With beacon fires on every hill,
And every growing thing now reeks 
Of blood that’s stained the rivers red.
There are no happy homesteads left,
No settling down for golden years.
I’m giving up my cottage life.
It cuts my vitals like a knife.

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As in the other poems in this series, Du Fu’s old man goes through a series of emotions. He is numbed by the fighting and the death of his children; saddened by his wife; heartened by recent military successes. But in his last line he reveals the pain that defines his reaction at having to leave his home in his old age. It feels like his organs are being destroyed.

Tumen and Xingyuan are military strongholds in Henan, where the battle with the rebel forces was ongoing. Ye was the city where the Tang forces had recently (759) suffered a disastrous defeat.

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杜甫  垂老别

四郊未宁静，垂老不得安。

子孙阵亡尽，焉用身独完？

投杖出门去，同行为辛酸。

幸有牙齿存，所悲骨髓乾。

男儿既介胄，长揖别上官。

老妻卧路啼，岁暮衣裳单。

孰知是死别，且复伤其寒。

此去必不归，还闻劝加餐。

土门壁甚坚，杏园度亦难。

势异邺城下，纵死时犹宽。

人生有离合，岂择衰盛端。

忆昔少壮日，迟回竟长叹。

万国尽征戍，烽火被冈峦。

积尸草木腥，流血川原丹。

何乡为乐土？安敢尚盘桓？

弃绝蓬室居，塌然摧肺肝。